A Biblical Critique of Debbie Maken's Book "Getting Serious about Getting Married" (part 6)
PART VI: Chapter 5 - "What We've Been Taught " (Debbie Maken's Bone to Pick)
On page 79 of Getting Serious about Getting Married, Mrs. Maken raises a hypothetical situation where a woman who is starving to death shows up at a church. Mrs. Maken asks her readers what would be an appropriate response by the church to this woman. Naturally, most readers would agree with Mrs. Maken's answer: "The last thing we'd say is, 'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" People would recognize that the woman's physical needs must be met as well as her spiritual needs. However, Mrs. Maken then claims the same holds true for a person's desire to marry. We are told that an emphasis on spiritual growth is no substitute in this regard.
With such an understanding in mind, Mrs. Maken spends the following chapters lambasting much of the spiritual advice church leaders give to single people (e.g., how singles can be content in their situation). Her understanding, of course, is flawed. Sex and companionship is not parallel to the basic biological urges of eating, sleeping, etc. Indeed, we have to ask why God has placed so many restrictions on the sexual drive and why he demands moral accountability with regard to our romantic desires. Where there is moral accountability, there must be the power to choose between good and evil. As it is, people do not die from the lack of sex, and there is no innate need for people to get married.
Chapter 5 rehashes claims made earlier in Mrs. Maken's book: men are responsible for pursuing marriage, God only allows a few people to be single, etc. I have already refuted these claims in my critique. Granted, in the pages that follow Chapter 5, Mrs. Maken raises some legitimate issues. I agree with her about how some religious pundits have unnecessarily frustrated single people. Many church leaders presume too much when they think God wants certain individuals to settle for singleness. Having said that, Mrs. Maken's attempt to grapple with the frustrations that single people face is undercut by her own short-sighted conclusions in the first four chapters of her book. In the following installments of my critique, I plan to address some of Mrs. Maken's concerns about how churches treat single people. There is still much about her book that I find to be disappointing at best.
On page 79 of Getting Serious about Getting Married, Mrs. Maken raises a hypothetical situation where a woman who is starving to death shows up at a church. Mrs. Maken asks her readers what would be an appropriate response by the church to this woman. Naturally, most readers would agree with Mrs. Maken's answer: "The last thing we'd say is, 'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" People would recognize that the woman's physical needs must be met as well as her spiritual needs. However, Mrs. Maken then claims the same holds true for a person's desire to marry. We are told that an emphasis on spiritual growth is no substitute in this regard.
With such an understanding in mind, Mrs. Maken spends the following chapters lambasting much of the spiritual advice church leaders give to single people (e.g., how singles can be content in their situation). Her understanding, of course, is flawed. Sex and companionship is not parallel to the basic biological urges of eating, sleeping, etc. Indeed, we have to ask why God has placed so many restrictions on the sexual drive and why he demands moral accountability with regard to our romantic desires. Where there is moral accountability, there must be the power to choose between good and evil. As it is, people do not die from the lack of sex, and there is no innate need for people to get married.
Chapter 5 rehashes claims made earlier in Mrs. Maken's book: men are responsible for pursuing marriage, God only allows a few people to be single, etc. I have already refuted these claims in my critique. Granted, in the pages that follow Chapter 5, Mrs. Maken raises some legitimate issues. I agree with her about how some religious pundits have unnecessarily frustrated single people. Many church leaders presume too much when they think God wants certain individuals to settle for singleness. Having said that, Mrs. Maken's attempt to grapple with the frustrations that single people face is undercut by her own short-sighted conclusions in the first four chapters of her book. In the following installments of my critique, I plan to address some of Mrs. Maken's concerns about how churches treat single people. There is still much about her book that I find to be disappointing at best.
posted by Anakin Niceguy at 6:54 PM
2 Comments:
Anakin,
I agree with this completely and have thought it myself for quite some time. It is riduculous to compare a desire for marriage or sex to the body's basic need for food, shelter, and clothing. It is, in fact, insulting to those who have truly suffered in going without the later three. The notion that sex is a basic need is the mentality of secular modernity, not that of the Bible. The Bible clearly affirms that the believer should have the fruits of the Spirit, one of which is self-control. Maken's view is just a typical American entitlement mentality: "I want this, therefore someone should give it to me."
To put it in perspective, in Matthew 24, when Jesus lists the things the sheep did for him by helping the least of these He names feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink, showing hospitality to the starnger, clothing the naked, caring for the sick, and visitng the prisoner. Nowhere on the list does it say "I was single and you found me a spouse." Hmmmmm? Wonder why that is?
I would question whether loneliness in singleness is ever affirmed or recognized in Scripture. I'm not sure about that, but I do know that Genesis 2:18, the "it-is-not-good-to-be-single", in fact has nothing to do with loneliness. I would take the perspective that to follow Christ is to be satisfied in Christ. To take someone who so strongly desires sex and encourage it to be met through marriage, is to put both their marriage and their faith in jeopardy.
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